She'd been sick with cancer since the Christmas season of 2000. She was always so brave, and that's how I'm going to remember her. She never complained about being sick, even when she was in pain from her chemotherapy or when she had to stay in the hospital. I never understood just how bad her sickness got because my parents never told me anything, but I was such a naive, stupid child. I thought, that she'd be able to beat it. Like all of those people in the commercials with their success stories. She'd be one of the lucky ones who'd live thought it and beat it. I can't believe I was so stupid. Every week when I went to chuch I prayed that she would get better. I prayed for her each night. I was certain that she would get well. At this point, I am extremely mad at the church and at God. My faith has definetly been shaken. I don't see any reason why this should have happened to my aunt. She was such a wonderful person. I'm not going to be able to take the wake and funeral.
I have so much work to do this week that it's going to be impossible to do it all with this newly coming up. I have a gigantic science project due Monday, and I doubt highly that I will do well on it. I don't even care anymore. There are more important things in life than schoolwork.
Right now I just wish that I had someone to talk to. I feel so incredibly lonely and sad. I haven't told any of my friends yet because...I just haven't. And I know that when I do actually tell them they'll be too preoccupied with their own petty issues to worry about me. When my grandmother died, none of them came to the wake except for my friend Suzanne, who I haven't talked to for more than five minutes in the past four years. She is the only one of my friends that has any class. It really hurts my feelings that they didn't come. I understand that it's probably really uncomfortable and unpleasant, but I would do the same for them, just to let them know that I was thinking of them and wanting to help console them. I went to the wake of my friend Jackie's aunt, and she didn't even show up for me after the fact. I don't understand people.
I guess that's enough for tonight. Who knows what will come of this disasterous vacation. I wish Carla or Jefferson would call.