every now and then
2003-04-23 @ 7:45 p.m.
I'm back again, and it seems this time with more of a clear head and direct intentions. I still don't have a clue as to what's going on with that stupid boy, but I know what I'm going to do, and that is forget all about him and move on. I think that I'm ready this time around, and although it's not going to be easy, it's definetly the right thing to do. I found out that during February he asked out another girl friend of his, but she turned him down. That was still when he was leading me on. He did not have the courage to tell me that he wasn't interested in me anymore until I made the first move to figure out what was going on. Even then, he STILL didn't specify where we stood. Well, I am specifying that right now, and he just goes into the barrel of bad apples. It was so unfair of him to treat me in that way; I wish that I could have slapped his stupid face. I do still care about him, but to have someone who lacks the courage to do the right thing, even after a prolonged period of time, just does not sit well with me. I guess we can be friends; I haven't seen much of him since I made this decision last weekend. I don't have time for his foolishness. I thought it would have worked out nicely; I had started to fall in love...but it wasn't meant to be. Back to square one, right kids? There'll be better ones, right? Yes, yes, in my heart I know it's true...it just takes a lot of convincing sometimes.
School has not been going much better; my grades are still mediochre at best, and I am relying on them to keep my scholarship. I've been dead sick for the past two days, and I don't know what from, but I feel a lot better today. I haven't been eating anything, but maybe it's better that way because I won't get any fatter. The only good thing about being sick is that you lose a little weight. I honestly don't know how people can be bulemic. I was throwing up the other day from being sick, and it just burns so badly and feels like the worst thing in the world. How can people live with that?! It hurts like hell. Well, at least I don't have to worry about myself getting an eating disorder. Although, there was a very pretty bathing suit in dELiA*s that I would love to look good in. Ah well, I'm not fat; I don't have to worry about it.
Ummm...I guess there's not much else to say, except that I am making good progress in getting over my heartache. I'll be better when I'm older. And there are fucking loud people in the hall that I want to kill. Shut up!
Ciao.
Before | After
