I had my National Honor Induction ceremony today. It went really well, except for the fact that I was extrememly nervous throughout the whole ceremony. I just wanted to go home. Afterwards, we went out as a group to the Hilltop Steakhouse to eat, and it was so fun...I had so much fun today with my friends. It was Jackie's birthday too. She invited me over to hang out with a bunch of other people tonight, but I declined because I was supposed to be going to the movies with Carla. Plus, I wasn't too thrilled with the fact that she had forgotten my birthday for the past two years, and even after she did remember did not get me a present, despite her protests that she would. I don't care about the present itself, but not remembering your good friend's birthday is just really crummy. So anyways, I will get her something this weekend, but I had other plans for tonight.
Anyway, I called Carla a little while after I got home, but she didn't answer. She called me around six thirty and I was sleeping, but that was okay. We talked for about a half an hour and she told me all about how nice I looked at the ceremony, how she wishes that she saw my mom there, and just about soap operas and other random things. She was going to call me back around 8 o'clock when her mom got home from work, and we were going to go out. Well, look at the time. I got no call.
I feel so pathetic because I was sitting in my mom's room crying. I feel so hurt, but there's nothing I can do about it. I don't want to call and bitch and complain. I just feel so betrayed. If something came up that was really serious, then I could understand. But I mean, we had plans, and then she just forgot all about them? I don't know why I wasted my time sitting at home when I could have been out with my other friends having fun. I feel like such a loser.
I bet that Jeverson doesn't want to go to the prom with me. He probably just said that he was still going because he felt bad for me. Why would anyone want to go with someone who is so ugly, fat, and stupid and sits aroung waiting for people to call them, even after they've called a few times? I'm sure that he still likes that girl, despite what anyone says. I just feel so used, so uncertain, and so lost. I can't help feeling this way because I seriously thought that she would call me back. What sort of frigging loser sits at home all dressed up to go out on a Friday night and then realizes that they're not going anywhere? I can't figure this whole situation out, and each day as I think I'm getting closer and closer to discovering the thing that makes this whole situation so weird, I just keep getting pushed further away.
Whatever. I'm hurt, and nobody cares. No one who ever reads this knows me in real life, as a person, or what I'm like, so they know a total 1% of what I feel by reading this. I wish I could just disappear.