I went to Kathleen's graduation party today, and I felt really sad because everyone left early and a lot of others didn't show up. It shouldn't have been like that for her, because she's a really cool person who didn't deserve to suffer like that. After I went home because I had to go to a wake. My dad's uncle died, and I was expected to make an appearance. Yet, I stayed for about an hour and then went out with my friends again. They were all playing basketball up the street, so I just changed my clothes and went over to join them. Then we went and got ice cream. I still feel empty, although I don't know why. I came home and my parents and my sister went out to dinner. I was invited to go, but I feel really fat and not hungry, so I decided to stay home.
The end of the year at school was just sort of eh, at most. I didn't really enjoy it very much. The most memorable moment was the prom. I didn't have that much fun at it, but I just told everyone that I did so that they would feel glad. I think no matter what I really don't enjoy those prom-dance type events. I did end up going with Jeverson, and he looked really cute. Still, he didn't want to dance, he didn't talk much, and I think he was just feeling out of place. I tried to have fun, but everyone was doing their own thing. I realize that I have tried, in the past few weeks, since i wrote my last entry, to try to do my own thing. But it just makes me feel sort of alone and vulnerable. I need my friends. I need to feel loved, constantly. I think that's one of my major problems. Insecure, strange, girl.
Anyway, the best part of this year was the prom. Not the whole prom. Just dancing to the slow songs, and the end. When we pulled up to my house, there was an exchanging of thank you's, and then the most beautiful kiss. It was the first kiss I've ever had, so I was surprised it went as well as it did. I don't know how long we were in the car, but it was a pretty long time. I think about four songs went by and a set of commercials. It was really nice, but I'm sad to say that the memory is fading a little bit. It was never followed up with a phone call or a date. What can I do? I tried, and I've been trying to give him an invitation to my graduation party since I made them a few weeks ago. I don't know.
My friends have been treating me rather shittily the past few weeks too. I don't know what to do about that either. I have no money, despite my attempts to get a job, and I just feel EMPTY. Somebody save me.