a newfound discovery
2002-08-22 @ 9:23 p.m.

I'm just feeling mildly depressed tonight because none of my friends are around. Kathleen is on her cruise. I called her on Sunday, and then again on Monday night, and she didn't answer my call until around 10:00 p.m. on Monday night. She couldn't talk long because she had to go to sleep and then wake up early to get to the airport. I mean, I won't have seen her for two weeks by the time she gets back. Then, Carla hasn't been around very much at all. I called her today, and she just talked for a few seconds and then said that she would call back later. She never called me, so I called when my cell phone was free so that we could just chat for a while. She asked me to sleep over, but my mom said no, so now I'm stuck here being bored and lonely. There was no convincing my mom of anything, because she wanted me to stay HERE tonight. I don't know why she put up such a fuss. I know it really sounds like I'm complaining, but I feel extremely badly sometimes and it's just because of the lonesomeness. After spending an entire day in the house for the most part with only my sister for company, life gets boring and depressing.

So basically, I've just been moping around the house all day doing chores so that my mom will be happy with me. She came home from work, cooked, and I don't know what she's doing now. My dad came home, rested, ate, and is now watching television. My sister's watching television with my mom, as I now see. I'm just so lonely...

I started making a list today of all of the things that I'm going to need for my dorm room. Thus far there are about sixty-three things in total. Some of them I already have and can just take with me, but some of them I have to buy. I bet this bad lonely feeling will be even worse the first few days of college because I'm not going to want to interact with all of the scary people there and will be missing my true friends. I know that people say that you make new friends and drift away from your old ones, but I'm the type of person who will end up with a hole in their heart over missing their old friends. I will make new friends, although not that many, and I will like them. But it will be different from my old friends. They will never have the same ranking as Minhua, Carla, or Kathleen. I just want someone that will never leave me. I suppose that's why people get married. Even so, there is 50/50 chance that you will end up divorced and ALONE. I am really letting optimism surround me tonight.

I really just need to get into a schedule, get back on the right track, and not have so much idle time to be thinking about all of the things that make me sad. It's not worth being unhappy over such things this young in life. Well, I bid you all adieu for this night. I'm just going to organize my room and throw away some stuff. Maybe I'll work on my scrapbook...

Tchau.

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