Nothing good happened at school today. I just need to get out of this badness rut. I was fine for a while after I came home, but I think it was kind of fake. I was also kind of okay when I was with Guillermo. We went together to a bookstore on the Tufts campus, because they are hiring, and he needs to get a job. On the way we made fun of all of the nasty run-down frat houses. Even then I did not feel really happy. This makes three days now. I just don't get it.
I think I just feel really left out of everything lately, and that is what is making me so depressed. All of my friends are getting hooked up, and they always have plans that don't seem to include me. That is the downfall of not belonging to any group in particular. Everyone just sort of puts you out of place when they make plans. Let's see...Kristen is hooking up with Johnny, and Jackie's almost got Matt. So, that leaves me to myself. Mindy was telling me how she was going to a dance at St. Clement's tonight with this kid Mike, and Kathleen was telling me how she was going to Collegefest, some sort of music thing this weekend in Boston. So, that kind of leaves me by myself for this weekend. Weekends suck worse than school. I mean, I have nobody to hang out with whatsoever. I don't mind being a loner most of the time, in fact I like it, but even I get sick of being left out of stuff. Even my Guillermo is slowly slipping away from me now that he has a girlfriend. Sometimes I think of what it would be like to root up myself and move somewhere far away and start all over. Like in North Dakota or something. I doubt that I could get my parents to do something crazy like that, but then my friends would see that they were taking me for granted. I think I am really insecure about feeling wanted by my friends, and get jealous easily about stuff. Still, I just hate having that disconnected feeling.
Michael is confusing me too. I mean, like I said before, he tells me he feels distanced from me, and then he ignores me. I try to talk to him sometimes, try to start up a conversation, and he just kind of brushes me off. I see him at my locker all the time, and he never says hi anymore. I thought we were friends. I can say that it doesn't bother me, and that I don't mind, but it's not true. It bugs me a lot, and I can't take it. It's as if someone went from being a friend to an aquaintence over the summer. I don't know what the hell his stitch is anymore. I want things back to the way they used to be.
I really need a friend right now.