it couldn't be a dream
2000-10-19 @ 8:27 p.m.

Ho hum. I am sick of studying. I have another two tests tomorrow. It is so stressful. I think teachers all plan tests on the same days on purpose. I am just taking a short break, like yesterday. I didn't really do a good job with studying. I don't care. I have too much to do. The way I see it, tomorrow is Friday. I just have to get through the day, and I am saved. After that, it's weekend straight ahead. Except for the fact that I have to take the PSATs. My weekend is already sort of blown to crap. I think I am going to Angela's house to celebrate her 16th birthday. I already sent her a card, now I've just got to get her a present.

I don't know, but today was not that good. I always manage to look happy on the outside, but it's this kind of shallow happiness. It doesn't really last that long. It's just kind of a cover for the way that I really feel, because I can't let other people know. I hate acting happy when I'm not. It's so fake. But I don't want to walk around all depressed and gloomy, so I'll just smile and try to be cheerful. I swear, one of these days I am going to have a nervous breakdown. Even if I told someone how I felt, I doubt they would understand how I feel. I swear, people who read this and don't really don't know me must think I am some sort of psycho. I don't care. I can't see how it is possible to feel so lonely when you are always surrounded by people who care about you. I just feel empty for some reason, like something's missing. People probably say that all the time, but that's how I feel. Everything I do or feel now just makes me feel all wrong inside. And it's not like I've been doing anything that would be considered wrong. Silly, isn't it?

I don't think I have much more to say now. It's just not working tonight.

Ciao.

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