as i slowly go insane...
2000-12-04 @ 9:15 p.m.

Oh, the things I would do to make this week go by faster. It is only Monday, and what an awful one it was. I am so sick of the week already. All I do is complain all day about meaningless things. I just suffered so much crap today, laced with good things that still have not made me happy.

The day started off in English, and the room was freezing cold because the boiler at school broke. Raputure, joy. I didn't really care about that though, because it is only the cold. I could think of worse things. In History I had to take a test, which is really bad. Now that I think of it, all of the bad things are things that haven't happened yet. Today they were just ALL brought to my attention. I have that stupid oral presentation due in History on Wednesday that I haven't started yet. I have to worry about starting my science fair project, and now I can see that it's going to be more work than I bargained for. I have three tests on Wednesday, plus the presentation. I just need to get through all this, and then I'll be fine. But right now the thoughts of all of these things are driving me crazy.

I can't wait until the Goya dance. It's the fifteenth, and I'm going for once. I skipped out on it last year. The thing that makes it even better is that it is during the first meeting of cookies and dough, which is a Girl Scout program that I do to get some extra money. Hot damn, I'm going to need it. I think we're going to be gathering up a whole bunch of friends so that we can go together. It will be so much fun, 'cos I haven't been out dancing for so long. Hopefullly I'll enjoy it more than I did the last time. As I sit here I'm looking at my black suede skirt. I wish I could just skip all of the days of school and go to the dance instead. I looked so pretty today; I wonder if anyone noticed. Probably not. I have come to the conclusion that most people in my school do not notice me. I think that I have been somewhat of a placeholder throughout the years. Always there, but without a personality or something special to attach to. They'll all be sorry later.

The other thing that I'm really mad about are my PSAT scores. I did really badly, but so did everyone else. Still, that doesn't make it right, and I am outraged at how I did. Even Kathleen didn't do well, but what can one do? I would say what I got, but I'd rather not embarrass myself, due to the fact that I would feed that some people would think I was outright stupid for what I got. Then maybe people wouldn't like me if I were stupid. I would feel very ashamed if someone in particular knew. Well, maybe I will tell them one of these days. *sigh* I'm not talking sense. I hate logarithims.

Ciao.

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