8:58 p.m. Ya, well, it is about almost nine o'clock. I already wrote about my incredibly sucky day with my friends, with my handwritten diaries, and with myself. So I find it kind of repetitive to write it over again. I mean, I had to get it off my chest somehow, but it took me talking and writing about it five times or so until I could at least accept it better. Sucky sucky sucky. I don't want to spread my anger and discontent to other people, but I can't help it. If you keep all of those stupid feelings of anger and greif inside, they are bound to ruin you in the end. I think that's how it works, right? It snowed a lot today. It was beautiful. But I don't think that I enjoyed it to its full potential. I had to walk home from school by myself today. Without Michael or Minhua... ;_; It was kind of lonesome. Oh well. I am so sick of everything. I'm sick of the chase I have been ensuing since last year. It's just not worth it. It takes over me, I can't concetrate on anything else, and it just ruins my life. And then, if I finally get what I want, after all of the hype, is it going to be what I want? Maybe I should just play it low and act as if what I want is no big deal. 'Cos if I keep going on like this, I will be miserable for the rest of my life. Do you have any idea what I'm talking about? Probably not. It makes more sense to me this way, none the less. Well, I better go now.
Day by day, I find my way,
Look for the soul, and the meaning,
Then you look at me, and I always see,
What I have been searching for,
I'm lost as can be, then you look at me,
...and I am not lost anymore...
Before | After