I had to struggle out of bed this morning and make it to school. I was not in a very happy mood, as I had left my psychology homework at school, and hadn't done my math homework. I didn't do them during the morning either. I went to homeroom when the bell rang, and ran up to the pile of carnations on the teacher's desk. They were being weeded through by everyone else at the same time, everyone searching for one that they could claim was theirs. Anyway, I quickly sorted through them, realized that none of them were for me, and went back to sit down. I had sent one to Mindy, and she was very happy about it. As it turns out, I did have one flower, which Jackie sent to me. I guess having one is better than having none, right? I am glad that I sent her one as well. Kathleen and I exchanged cards, but I don't think that she really was into it as much as she usually was, because she had gotten flowers and gifts from Chris, making my small contribution somewhat insignifigant. I went through most of the days as usual, seeing people carry about bunches of flowers, stuffed animals, and any other gift of love that could be thought of. I was trying to be happy and mask my feeling left-out, and I guess it worked pretty well. I saw everyone in red and pink, which we the colors of the day. I didn't really care about anything; I just wanted to go home. Jackie finally came home on the bus today, and we talked for a few minutes. I don't want to go any more into that really. When I got home I had to go out and babysit, which was okay. When I got home, my dad had bought me flowers, my mom had gotten me a card and a balloon, and my sister made me a card and bought me candy as well. I felt bad because I haven't done anything for the day, simply because I hadn't given much thought to it and didn't want to be bothered. I feel like a jerk now, not having anything to give them. The tulips that my dad got me were so nice, and it's probably because we got into a 'row' if you will, last night. I don't want to say a fight, because I wasn't really fighing back, but just being really passive. Anyways, let's not talk of such things. Moving on...
My love life really sucks. I think that all of my possible people that I could like have been taken away by a signifigant other. When I went babysitting on Monday, Amy told me that Matthew has a girlfriend, as she has seen her car around, and complained about the noise that it makes. I just found out today that Danny, one of the boys that I like from school, has a girlfriend who is one of Jackie's friends. Good thing I never told her that I liked him, or I would be in deep trouble. Chris, well...I'm sure you can figure out what's going on there, so I won't even get into it. Then I find out that my semi date from last year wants to take Kristen to the prom. I don't mind because I didn't have a good time with him, but I still find him to be very cute and can't help but feel a little bit jealous that he is going to ask one of my friends. I haven't even SEEN Antonio the entire week, and who knows if he's in love with Katherine, or if he's gay or not. I guess I'll never find out.
I suppose the most depressing thing would be about Micheal. You see, he wrote Tiana this really sweet poem about how he liked her and that he wanted to take her to the prom. She said that if she was allowed to go to the prom, then she would go with him. Yet, when we came into homeroom, there were two roses on the desk, which were beautiful. Anyone could tell that they were from a florist. They were from Andy Woodbury, who is this semi-drughead senior who act like an ass most of the time, yet still is popular. He's really cute, but he's one of those jerkish-type people who your parents probably wouldn't really want you to date after they know what he's like, even though he seems charmining at first. SO anyway, I know Micheal felt bad about that, but he probably wasn't so disheartened. At the end of the day though, she was carring yet another beautiful bouquet of flowers, again from a florist. Kathleen asked her where she got them from, and she pointed to Andy. Micheal was at his locker too, and my heart just cried for him. Andy had his arm wrapped around Tiana, and his face was very close to hers. If I was Micheal, and Micheal was a girl, then I would just start crying. Still, he pretended not to notice it, and just left school, saying goodbye to everyone except Tiana, when it was usually the other way around. At the moment I realized what he realized, I felt his pain in such a sharp way. I know what that feels like, and I feel awful that he has to feel that way. It's not fair, because I know that he adored Tiana, and now he's losing her. I want him to be happy, but what can be done? I wonder if he will still go to the prom with her. If he doesn't, it would be nice if he asked me, yet, I don't want to end up being someone's rebound girl or second choice. I want to be the first choice.
So, today really sucked, and so will tomorrow, but there's no need to fear, because it will all pass and everyone will be happy one of these days. I just have to find some way to get out of my rut of total depression. It is getting to be a bit much to bear. Just two more days until my "vacation", which is what I suppose it should be called. I finally wore my red bracelets today, which was cool. I have to go focus on what I have to do for school tomorrow now. I think the word would be homework.
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