I spent most of my day at Lauren's house today, because my aunt threw a birthday party for her. It was okay, but I have that icky smoky feeling from being around people who smoke too much. My head kind of hurts too. I just did nothing most of the day except sit around and play N64 for a while with Guillermo. I should have done my homework, because I brought it with me, but I didn't. I still have to study for my test on Spain as well. I didn't devote as much time as I should have to homework over the weekend, yet I managed to do a very large amount of it. It constitutes my entire life, which is absolutely sad. The past few weekends have been really bad because all I've been able to do is homework, maybe getting out for a few hours or so.
I just want to stop. To stop doing everything. So that I can jump in the car and go somewhere just because, and not worry about why I should be at home completing something else. So that when I look outside at the sun, I don't feel bad that I'm not burying my nose and face in a book. Maybe, just so that I have time to call my friends on the phone once a week, and we can catch up on each other's busy lives. I feel no sense of greatness of achievement when I complete something and get a good grade on it. I feel as if I deserved that grade all along. When I get bad grades, even though I'm upset about it, I know deep in my heart that I deserved that grade, and that what I got was my own fault. All of that's just fine. I'm just sick of feeling guilty for things that I shouldn't.