I went to the college fair tonight at school. Chris was there. Each day that goes by, I lose my desire to chase after him, knowing that it won't work, and that he is not who I truly want either. He was a challenge before, but now I am just not up for it anymore. Antonio was there too, and I still think that he is extremely cute and charming. I love his teeth. I would be so happy if he asked me to the prom, but I don't think that he will. I wonder if he is going at all. Still, Joe is not a challenge at all. I'm not saying that I'm looking for a true challenge, because that would be stupid...but I feel so very unspecial. So, he likes me. Great. I don't really like him back, and it's not worth my while to even try to make him mine or anything. Can you see what I'm saying? I don't want to put an effort into building a relationship that I don't want to be in. Yet, I don't have the guts to stop this before it goes any further, and I'm afraid that soon enough I will be spiraling into unhappiness.
The one thing that I have longed to do for my whole life is enter the minds of others. I would love to see their thoughts, and feel what they're feeling, and that way I could better understand them. Perhaps there is an extremely egocentric reason too, as I would love to know what people thought of me. So many times, others don't know your true feelings because you stash them away, hidden. I don't think that's the right way to be, yet that's the way I am. It is such a curious thing to imagine what others think and why they think that way. It would make life a whole lot easier sometimes if you could know.
In conclusion, I don't know what to do. I know I'm not ready for this whole boyfriend thing yet. Call me immature or whatever, but geez. I don't want to feel pressured to bring him to my prom either. Just because I'm doing him a favor by going to his doesn't mean that I still can't go alone to mine, right? If I take anyone from school, there are only two possible candidates whom I will consider. Hey, I have standards you know. One would be Antonio, and the other would be Michael. I was just thinking of something, though. I so hope that no one every stumbles across this diary. It would ultimately be my demise and the utter end of my life.
I am dreading Friday. I hate Friday now. Maybe he'll forget. Oh, I hope so. ĦAh, que mal suerte!