I should probably just go to bed and sleep, seeing as I only got 5 hours of sleep last night and am feeling like crap. I don't want to write about how I'm not liking home as much as I thought in my blog, because I know that certain people read it whom I have told numerous times that I was dying to get home and out of smelly cow Amherst. I'm really never in the mood to hear "I told you so.", from anyone. Nonetheless, I am still enjoying being away from Ashley and all of the other floormates at school. I mean, sure, I like them, but they acted as if when we said goodbye for the summer that this would be the last time that any of us would see one another. I was never one for all of the tears and hugs when it came to saying goodbye. I don't really care about saying goodbye, unless it's someone that's struck me on a personal level. And I'm sorry to say it, but my friends there seem to just be some sort of generic friends that you can find anywhere. I do feel that way sometimes...there's nothing about us that really holds us together except for the fact that we've all lived together for a year. I'm sure that if they knew I was saying all of this then it would hurt their feelings immensely. I don't really care, though.
Last night, Janvi wanted to sleep in my room on Ash's empty bed. I was so pissed off because I have not had one night to sleep alone in my room the way that I like it. We always fall asleep with the television on, and the two times that this did not happen, the radio was on. I like falling asleep in silence and darkness. It's not that much of a huge request. I think it's more difficult for someone who's used to darkness to fall asleep with noise and light than it would be the opposite way. Anyhow, I would not let her stay, because then she wanted to sleep in MY bed, with ME in it. Now, I hate sharing beds, especially a fucking tiny twin bed. Plus, it's fucking SKETCHY and WEIRD to ask to do that. The only people I would ever share a bed with would be my sister, Kathleen, or my boyfriend. She had her own perfectly good bed in her room, and she's used to sleeping in the room alone because her roommate moved out a few weeks ago. I don't know, the whole situation just freaked me out. It also makes me mad that she is always hugging me and kissing me; it's like an annoying child, and plus it makes me feel really really uncomfortable. I tell her to stop, but she doesn't listen to me. I really kind of wish that she takes the RA position next year so that I will not be around her so much.
I say such horrible things, but in my heart I really do mean them, which makes it worse. My parents are in the other room talking about stupid shit, and it's just making me upset. I'm really in one of those moods where I want to be alone and don't feel like talking to anyone. I don't know why I get upset so easily, but something's wrong. Also, I'm as tired as can be, but won't go to sleep. I think it's time to force myself to do so.