i'd fight away all of your fears
2003-07-24 @ 10:14 p.m.

I have a huge problem with people thinking that they know all about me. I mean, it's especially annoying when everyone tells me that I have a perfect family life and that everything is rosy. My family has plenty of skeletons in the closet, just as any other one. I have a cousin who's pregnant with her 3rd child, all of which have different fathers. I have other cousins who abuse drugs, some who are on the way to becoming alcoholics, one who got kicked out of college...it seems sometimes that my sister and I are the only ones who don't have any major problems yet.

Without going into too much detail, as far as my parent's go, they are not always the happy-go-lucky people that my friends deal with. My mom gets upset about work, my dad gets upset about work. We have troubles that nobody says anything about. We fight with one another. My dad gets drunk sometimes and yells at my sister and I about inane things.

I just get mad when I try to tell people that my life is not as Norman Rockwellesque as they imagine it to be. They almost insist at times that my life is wonderful. In fact, some of my friends parents tell them that they wish my that my friends were more like ME. Can we be serious? If my parents ever said anything like that I would get really upset. Everyone thinks that I'm some breed of perfect. Well, I'm not. I do well in school, but most of the time I'm miserable about my life despite trying to keep a happy front, I have to live with a lot of secrets that I keep from people, I drink sometimes just for the fun of it...I'M NOT PERFECT BECAUSE THERE'S NO SUCH THING!

ARGH! I'm glad that I got that off my chest.

I feel bad for this journal; it's what I used to vent about things that I can't tell anybody about. I might try to resurrect it for more practical use than the ocasional rant, but for now that's how it'll stay.

Ciao.

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