maybe when he dreams
2001-08-15 @ 10:46 p.m.

Right now I'm sitting here listening to sappy love songs and sort of just weeping. It's good to get in that occasional weeping, I'm sure. Just to get it out of one's system. I don't really have a reason to cry, but sometimes the whole outlook of love just seems so hopeless and fragile. Something that I'm not adept to handling. I was just thinking about it tonight, while analyzing one of my other friend's problems. Sometimes it really is such a hopeless thing. I think I know what I'm doing, and I think that there's this just sort of fate that will lead me to the right person. I'm so confused, and I don't know what to believe. Is life controlled by fate, or is it really what you make of it? Maybe it's a little bit of both. I don't know why I'm going off on stupid tangents like this anyway. I'm starting to sound just like her. I don't want to do that. I just want something that I can rely on. I want to know...no, I crave to know just a few things. Maybe it would be best to ask these things to the person of which they concern, but I could never do that. No, I never could.

I haven't written in quite a while. I was on vacation, and then I just got really lazy/busy, and didn't write for a while. I guess I didn't really have much to say. I went to the movies tonight to see 'The Others'. I must say that I was heartily scared at a few parts, and it was a very clever movie. I would recommend it highly for others to go and see. I went with Kerri. We've gone out almost every day this week just because Thompson isn't here and now she doesn't have anyone to go places with. I see how it is. When they finally break up, I hope that she'll see that boys will come and go, but friends are forever. She has ignored me for the most part while he has been around this summer, but it's alright with me. As much as I hate people leaving me and then picking me back up as a friend when they feel like it, I still let them do it. I don't know why, but I feel as if I will lose too many friends if I don't work that way. At least I know who my true friends are. The ones that will stick by you through all times are the true ones.

I saw my friend Hai and Josh at the movie, and I was really surprised. I have been really worried about Hai from what Min has been telling me. I think she's been going down the wrong path, and I've noticed it a while back. Even when school was still in session, she would be a bit different. Now she's all into partying, drugs, and being very permiscuous and just overall diffrent. It was funny seeing her at the theatre though. She didn't seem any different then, but I know that she is. I want to help her in some way, but she would probably get weirded out if I said anything. We're cool and friends and all, but I don't think that she would trust me as much as her other Asian friends and whoever else she hangs out with. I want to keep her as a friend for as long as I can.

I have to go and babysit tomorrow, and I don't really want to. Still, it's money.

I daydream way too much. I have realized this. I think I do just to escape reality for a little bit and think about what life would be if it were perfect. Often I'm off on some cloud for no apparent reason...*sigh* This entry already sounds way too cracky. I'll just stop before I make a bigger idiot out of myself.

Ciao.

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