So, today was another long day. I didn't get enough sleep at all, as I was trying to finish my calculus homework quite frustratedly. I fell asleep for an hour in the evening, so I lost some time there, and I had to hustle to make up for it. It still wasn't really helpful. I mean, it seemed as if everything I was reading was written in the most foreign language known to mankind. I finally gave up and went to bed, but my sleep was tormented by crappy dreams that always make me feel horrible. I woke up with bloodshot eyes and a runny nose. I hate suffering through allergies and not getting enough sleep at the same time.
I've been so preoccupied today because I've fallen again for Chris. I think I've mentioned it a few days ago, but today I was so jealous because her drove Kathleen home from school. He was at a meeting with her and a few other people about an after school HTML class that they're being forced to take, and after that he had to go to track practice. Since she lives right around that part of the city, he drove her home, two other friends home, and three other friends to track practice. I didn't know this at the time, and I thought that he was going home, so that's why I was so mad! I wanted a ride home, and I wanted to sit in the car with him! I was standing at the bus stop, looking so totally uncool and screamed to Min, "I should be IN THAT CAR! ME ME ME MEEE!" I hope he didn't hear any of that from across the street. I'm sure he didn't. I called Kathleen on her cell phone when I thought she was home, but she was still in the car. I left her a message that was quite comical, but which I shall not reiterate for others to read. I want to know that if he was really going home if he would give me a ride. I mean, he lives like, two minutes away from me, so it would be interesting. I wonder if there's ever been a day, or even just one second when he's like me. I never want to tell him that I admire and like him, because he just might tell me that he's not interested and that would kill me. I don't know why I even like him so much. Kathleen called me today, and we talked for about an hour. She asked me what I liked about him in particular, and I just couldn't really think of anything to say to her. There's just something about him that's very alluring and also just...kind. It's like he's smart, but also popular, and very nice. I don't know what kind of girls he would like though, so I don't know if he'd like me. If he wants me to be skinnier, then I'll stop eating...I mean...I don't care. My goal this year is to go with him to the prom. Kathleen keeps urging me to just tell him that I like him, but it's so HARD. I can't!!! I will have to figure out some way to do it, though. I don't know how. We thought of about a million BAD ways of doing it, but um...I'm not about to try any of those. So, help me out here, people. I've liked this kid for four years now! I've probably talked to him about a total of ten times in that duration. It's another frustrating thing. It would be so totally sucky and the end of the world if I found out that he liked me afterall, and just never said anything. That would be the absolute worse and low point of my life. Erm...so that's my position on this subject as of now. I'll keep 'ya posted. Right now I need some sleep. I am EXHAUSTED!